Pecking Order

We spent the long holiday weekend on a hobby farm in Ellijay called Wagging Tails. This was our second stay there. We tend to find Airbnbs we like and stick with them in areas we like, a lot easier to manage travel anxiety that way. We like Wagging Tails a lot. 

The accommodation itself is a studio style apartment built into one side of a barn. It's clean, well-appointed, and has a super comfortable bed. Plus, it's in a barn. What's not to like? But a stay at Wagging Tails is more about the outdoor spaces. There's a covered patio with a super comfortable outdoor couch and ceiling fan and TV. There's a pasture for Mya, our dog, to run and play in to her heart's content. But most importantly, there are animals. Goats, bunnies, and chickens. 

Stephen Hawking and the Ladies

I've never been around chickens very much, but just like all animals, I am fascinated by them. This weekend, I pointed out to Jeremy that one of the chickens at Wagging Tails had a small place on her back that was missing feathers. He didn't seem surprised. "Well, the phrase pecking order literally came from chickens." 

I was momentarily horrified. This had never really occurred to me though it should have been obvious. 

Nature rarely surprises me. There is something almost comforting about the nature of nature. It's stripped down to pure instinct. No overthinking involved, just action and survival. A couple of weekends ago I watched a crow murder three baby robins in our front yard. That was a bit surprising to me, but I squealed a little, felt bad for the baby birds, and moved on with my life. The circle of life and all that. 

The pecking order thing stayed with me a bit longer. The way Jeremy described it really played on my empathy. "Basically, the top chicken bullies its way to the top, and then all the other chickens fall into line under the top chicken, also bullying or pecking their way into the hierarchy, and in the end, all the chickens have an established place, and inevitably, there's a chicken that's at the bottom that all the other chickens gang up on." The chicken missing some of its feathers? He reasoned she was probably at the bottom of the pecking order. 

I felt for that chicken. Sometimes I've felt like at the bottom of the pecking order. Or maybe near the bottom. Throughout my primary and secondary school days, I was near the bottom or worse, not enough a part of the flock that I rated in the pecking order at all. 

I tend to apply human feelings to animals. I can't help it; we humans have such complex emotions, and I like to think that animals feel a little too...maybe not nearly as complexly, but I imagine that a chicken at the bottom of the pecking order at least feels a little lonely and sad sometimes. Or maybe she's just glad to be a part of the flock. 

Throughout the years, my social anxiety has sometimes forced me to the bottom of the pecking order or outside the flock at all if I'm being honest. When I was talking to my counselor last week in a particularly raw session, I explained that I always felt like the weird, awkward kid. She paused and said something I'd never really thought about: "Wow, I'll bet sweet, little Katie believing herself to be weird and awkward brought that weird, awkward energy to people and ultimately that became a self-fulfilling prophecy for her." And yeah, she's right. 

Honestly, I still bring that weird, awkward energy to people. The main difference now is that I don't try to hide it. I don't pretend to be anything but the person I am, except in rare occasions at work. In fact, the last year I would argue has been a continuation of one of those occasions, which is probably why I am currently at my unhappiest. But that's another story for another day. 

The truth is that the older I get the more I maintain that I absolutely hate hierarchies. Pecking orders and social structures probably exist for good reasons, but I'm at a loss as to why right now, thinking of that poor chicken and her missing feathers. Isn't the truth of the matter that we're all just a bunch of chickens doing our best to fit in? Why should there be a top or a bottom when there's room enough in the coop for everyone? 

Has a pecking order ever brought you down? How do you manage your place is social structures?